The weather is not helping this irritability. However, tomorrow I will be in Sag Harbor and I will be happier. Right now I hurt too much to think beyond that. I am tired. I am tired of people holding petty grudges. I am tired of certain LJ communities being spammed by people who think they have all the answers, so I'm removing the communities from my viewing list. My communities pages needs a clean-up anyway.

Gods, my cats are adorable. I've learned that none who enter my house can leave without falling for my felines. And I thought world domination would be difficult.

My writerbrain is unconscious today. I have not written more than a paragraph. I think Sag Harbor will wake it back up.

Two days until we're in the Hamptons. I can smell the beaches and billionaire houses already. I've packed already, being somewhat neurotic. Since our vacation time has been shortened due to Adam's work (going to China and all), Adam and I will try to cram as much Sag Harbor relaxation in as possible. That won't be difficult. It's Sag Harbor. I just want be home for a few days, basking in the glow of my parents' love and artwork and my hometown's peaceful beauty. Also, to eat pizza at Conca D'Oro and maybe go to The Corner Bar and eat mussels in white wine sauce with garlic bread.

Today was absurdly gorgeous (hello, spring weather in November), so I went for a very long walk, had sushi, bought acai juice, and admired some confused flowers along the main streets of King Farm Village Center.

We haven't turned on the heat all month, and the den upstairs is still quite warm. This is a good thing. Saving money and energy.

Adam is going to Beijing, China for work.* The client is an international investment bank.
China.
China.
The Monday after the week of Thanksgiving, he will fly to Beijing, where he will be the computer tech overseeing some conference. He will return home on December seventh.
We we still be in Sag Harbor for Thanksgiving, but we will come home on Saturday, rather than Sunday, so Adam can have a day to prepare. To go to China.
China.
My husband will be in China for a week.
Still sinking in.
But it will be a big paycheck, and we need the money.
*bites lip*
I don't even know if the time difference will let us communicate at the same time.
Has anyone here been to China?


*For those of you who don't know: Adam works for an IT/AV rental company, as a project manager and field technician. He has set up equipment for various companies all over the country, from trade shows to medical conferences to the White House. Some of his coworkers have gone to other countries. Now it is his turn, I suppose.

http://www.thenewastrology.com/facebook/nasign.php?uid=640545683&seccode=fb93c3731f52e01c9b8b2c3be0a1d010#

This may be the best astrological description of my personality and character that I have ever read.

Rose hunted a beetle in the den and caught it. Good Rose.

Everyone I have introduced to Himalayan Pink Crystal Salt has fallen in love with it and demands more. Excellent. *rubs hands together in satisfaction*

I am really enjoying Fallout 3. Amended: I really enjoy watching Bane play Fallout 3 on his Xbox 360.

Yes, I am (excitedly) aware that there will be a new Alice miniseries on SyFy next month. You can stop telling me.

Less than a week before Adam and I head up to Sag Harbor for the annual Thanksgiving vacation. It will be ten years, officially.

At some point today, Bane and I shall make bacon. Because we randomly decided that Thursday is Bacon Day. The cats will each be offered a tiny tiny bit of bacon, since they will attempt to steal the bacon off our plates no matter what.

Stuff that is awesome:
Badger Balm Mocha Cocoa Lip Balm, which contains real coffee fruit extract, which is the latest super-antioxidant.
Hempz Age Defying Eye Contour Cream, which works really well as a lip balm.
Blood Promise, The latest book in Richelle Mead's Vampire Academy series.
Uninvited, Justine Musk's YA novel.
My finding new ways to torture my characters.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

When high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

I see every moment, every instant, every stumble and stammer and delight and laugh, and I take them all and weave them into a pattern I can understand. We are here to learn. We are the universe discovering itself. We forget who we are to ourselves and to each other. Every time we hate, or wound, or condemn, we bleed a little more until we forget what we were supposed to be doing in the first place. Sometimes we need that.
I still don't understand the point of You versus Me or Us versus Them.

Pain flaring everywhere, but it's all right. Took a photo of my scarred face with no concealer, but it's all right. Alone for the night, but it's all right. It is wonderful.

Full stop.

I surged through a bout of mild insomnia last night. The only interesting thing on was a four-hour marathon of One Life To Live on the Soap Opera Channel. I sat there and ate chips and wrote novel chapter outlines while eating organic potato chips and watching actors scream and cry hysterically and actually mean it. There appeared to be real tears, real facial flushing, real horror. It was fascinating. Most soap opera actresses can sob with the best of them without producing a single tear. I applaud the skills of Bree Williamson and Melissa Archer and might even watch them again.
I wound up falling asleep at five in the morning, after taking a double dose of Valerian Root, which is the best sleep aid I have ever tried (second is Tryptophan).

I had an amazing dream about a colony being built on the moon in one hundred years. The head engineer met his future self in a dream and was told to make the main dome twice as big or it would fail. In the meantime, I was hanging out with my apparent sister and browsing through internet files of 20th and 21st century actors and actresses: "Oh, look, our mother looks just like this actress! Your boyfriend looks like this guy!"
Then I learned I had been accepted at an exclusive university for students with magical potential, but was denied a full scholarship and given only partial financial aid. My futuristic magical devices, however, had other ideas, and teleported me into the administrative offices so I could show proof that I deserved full scholarship and aid.

I woke up at 12:30. I was attacked viciously by burning pain and spasticity. My temporary nectar and ambrosia, my manna, was a combination of Soma, Canadian Tylenol (which in the US would require a prescription since it contains methocarbamol), Guanara, a B Complex, a hot shower with neem and shea butter cleansers, and a cup of Rachel's Vitality Pomegranate Acai Yogurt. Which needs repeating. Pomegranate Acai Yogurt. Dude. I need to buy wholesale. Pomegranate. Acai. Yogurt. Gnah.

I am watching old episodes of Gilmore Girls. Sometimes I think that show really was about me and my mother. Mom and I were doing the rapid-fire quirky dialogue thing before it was cool.

Because they are probably classic by now.

http://health.yahoo.com/featured/63/weight-management-myths-debunked/
Good article. Good advice. Bizarre myths.

Adam will be home on Monday now, instead of tomorrow. We miss each other deeply as always, but the extra time means a bigger paycheck.

I am currently watching Twilight Zone: The Movie for the first time and I am amused by the sequel to "It's A Good Life."

I wish I could dance, most of the time.

Dinner was leftover manicotti (which has the consistency of cheesecake). Dessert was chocolate and kava tea. Then I gave myself a facial massage with Anna Bellina O Mask and D Oil. and now we are watching old Futurama episodes (my top favorite episodes are "Jurassic Bark," "The Sting," "The Luck of the Fryrish," and "Leela's Homeworld").

Adam is going to Manhattan tomorrow and returning on Saturday, tentatively. Bane is headed to Manhattan on Saturday.
I am still adjusting to being very social. I continuously wish to retreat. I do need to talk to Bane soon, who has been observing my psychological issues for years.

My jaw muscles have become spastic. This is insane. I am trying to eat maple bacon here, right mandible!
Kava tea has made it better. My whole body is finally relaxing. I am mellow.

Because Adam wanted to play on the PlayStation 3 while Bane wanted to play on his XBox 360, the boys compromised and carried the living room television upstairs to the den. Bane is playing Fallout 3 on that one. Adam is playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 on the other. I am watching Fallout 3, and trying not to think about the airport scene from Modern Warfare 2.

Novel Progress: Writerbrain stuttered a bit while I was starting the next chapter. I still need to talk with Bane about abnormal and aberrant psychology, since trying to get to the heart of the villain's mental issues is making me wince. He is a fascinating and awesome character, but I am constantly wondering why I've written him like this.

Dark And Stormy (ginger beer from Whole Foods, Gosling's dark rum).
Sushi maki with salmon and avocado -- in which there was salmon and avocado wrapped on the outside of the rice. Nice. I must return to Whole Foods soon for more.
Bean and cheese dip, made by Bane.
ProBar Superfood Slam.
Dose of Soma.
Buckwheat pasta with mushrooms.
Honey roasted almonds.
Goji and acai berry mocha espresso with Ovaltine chocolate powder and organic milk, made by me.
Mocha lip balm (Badger Balm), which was technically ingested.

I should go to bed.

(Note to self: Remember to ask Bane about aberrant psychology.)

Yesterday, Red made manicotti for dinner. It was the most amazing manicotti I have ever had (and my Italian cousins have whipped up some good manicotti in the past). Also, Red made broccoli in a lemon-butter sauce.

Adam returned from Canada last night, with chocolate. Aero chocolate. And chocolate Canadian coins. And a five dollar bill.

Bulletins as they occur.

Catherynne M. Valente's little online book is officially complete. I highly suggest reading it. It is awesome.
http://www.catherynnemvalente.com/fairyland/

For my fellow geeks: My cousin's stuff. Custom computer cases and air rifle lessons.
http://www.paulcapello.com/

Temperatures are in the seventies today. Oh, Maryland in November, you amuse me.
I am slightly tired, still slightly recovering (argh seizures), working on the book and watching the Travel Channel.
Been reading Justine Musk's blog a lot lately. We share most of the same views.
http://justineleemusk.wordpress.com/

It was like having snow poured down my back and limbs.
It was like being frozen from the inside.
And then it got warm.
I wondered if I would melt.
It is over now.
I am cold and still and stone.
I am waiting to feel.
I am tired.

Even small seizures are staggering.

Sleep will come soon. *rubs face* I am tired but not ready for sleep.
Bane and Red arrived late this afternoon, and we have been sitting around catching up, watching paranormal investigation programs on the Travel Channel. Tomorrow we will go grocery shopping, and Red will cook, because she expressed a keen desire, and I am not a great cook.
I have been having crazy nightmares lately. Mostly involving serial killers and psionic characters, living haunted houses and intelligent animals.
Adam is in Quebec, but his work visa expires on Sunday. The actual job begins on Monday. Hopefully, he can work around that with his boss's help.
My cats have made Bane and Red beloved. It is adorable.
I may have had a few simple partials throughout the day; sometimes it is hard to tell. I certainly did have a fibro flare. Yargh.

http://www.elearnenglishlanguage.com/difficulties/ime.html
I would like to print this out, attach it to plywood, and beat it over the heads of anyone who intentionally uses phrases like "My friend and I's party" or "Give it to my friend and I" or any other form of ridiculous hypercorrection.
I realize that the biggest excuse is probably, "Well, I never learned it in school!" However, education doesn't end in a classroom. Also, the second biggest excuse is probably, "Nobody taught me!" I don't have anything to say to that. (Third excuse is, "Well, I'm lazy and you suck.")
I also realize that people reading this will tell me I'm being a snob, I need to lighten up, and "Nobody cares about writing or speaking well now, what with text messaging, shorthand netspeak, Facebook, and Twitter taking over our lives. Besides, people talk like that all the time now, so you suck!"
That's okay. I just like the website. And no, not everyone speaks or writes like that.

Hypertonia is making my left hand and foot seize up. Currently I could not manage fine motor control if my life depended on it. I can flail my left hand on the keyboard, though, and my index finger can hit keys, so that is something. I can write. My hand keeps curling up, my thumb tucked under and peeking out between the ring and pinky fingers, as this is automatically comforting. It is also a variation of the fig sign, apparently; who knew?
I am limping so severely that I have brought my cane out. It is the pretty cane that Adam bought me, with an LCD flashlight on the top.
My left eye and mouth muscles keep twitching. This is extremely annoying.
I am somewhat anticipating simple partial seizures today, since they tend to occur on days when the cerebral palsy is being a bitch.
Sooner or later, this will all lead to a massive fibromyalgia flare.

And, no, I am not making a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is just What Happens.
(Can you tell I am bitter toward people who try to insist that I ignore my symptoms and Do Things anyway? Doing Things will make it all worse. Best thing I can do is Rest and Take It Easy for a few hours. Someone once told me that if I anticipate symptoms, that will always make them happen, and I should never anticipate. I'm still not sure how to take that. It feels slightly insulting.)

In any case, my goji juice is delicious, and I am watching "Clash Of The Gods" on the History Channel (they're discussing Zeus).

1. Concealer: Currently, I rotate between Fresh Umbrian Clay Absolute Concealer, Lancome Effacernes Waterproof Concealer, Cory Cosmetics Cream Concealer or Cream Foundation, and MAC Studio Sculpt Foundation. I also sometimes use Physician's Formula Circle Rx Concealer. These products all last a very long time, the way I use them.

2. Lip Balm: Currently I rotate between Walk In Beauty Goddess Lip Balm, Solum And Herbe Lip Care Stick, Pixi Lip Booster in Clear, Sally Hansen Lip Inflation Extreme, Physician's Formula Organic Wear SuperFruit Gloss in Super Sheen, and Carmex Moisture Plus.

3. Moisturizer: Currently, I rotate between Walk In Beauty Sun Protective Lotion, Walk In Beauty Psyche Lotion, Walk In Beauty Sacred Circle Salve, Anna Bellina Super Skin Dry Skin Oil, Bunny's Bath CoQ10 Face Cream, Jeune Peau Time Reversal Cream, One With Nature Shea Butter Goji Berry Lotion, 100 Percent Natural Pink Grapefruit Body Cream, and Jergens Naturals Total Nourishment Lotion.

3. Cell Phone: Samsung A237. It's blue. I just use it for calls and photos. I hate texting.

4. Paperback novel: Currently I am reading CE Murphy's Walking Dead and have almost finished Diane Duane's The Book of Night with Moon which I adore beyond adoring.

5. Lipstick: Currently, I rotate between Origins Flower Fusion in Dahlia, Estee Lauder Hydra Lustre in Cranberry, BareMinerals Natural Gloss in Pomegranate, Laura Mercier Sheer in Sexy Lips, and Josie Maran in Desirous. The common thread is that all these shades look like blood or blush or kisses.

6. Hair ties: I like Goody and Scunci, thick the metal-free bands. Rose likes to play fetch with them, and has learned how to pull them off my wrist. My house is littered with hair ties.

7. MSM: This little supplement can do a ton of good things for me: smoother skin, thicker hair, pain-free joints, relaxed muscles, reduced pain, reduced fatigue, reduced allergies, reduced digestive problems, better concentration, less inflammation, stronger teeth, and more energy. If I stop taking it, I definitely feel it.

8. Yerba Mate: I usually take the extract in capsule form, which delivers a nice shot of energy and concentration. But I love the tea. The taste is an acquired taste.

9. Acai berry juice and Goji berry juice: At my local Giant Foods, there is always a sale on Bom Dia Acai Energy Conquer Juice. This juice contains a significant amount of both acai and goji, as well as yerba mate, green tea, black tea, grape juice, yumberry juice, pomegranate juice, guarana, and mangosteen. If I don't have this beverage at least once a week, I get antsy and start craving it.

10. Passion Flower and L-Tryptophan: They do a wonderful job of relaxing me and sending me to sleep. I buy each in capsule form, in therapeutic doses.

Meme: Products I don't know if I can go without.

1. Concealer (I believe I look horrible without face makeup)
2. Lip Balm (which I can also use on my face and cuticles)
3. Moisturizer (lotion, serum, cream, balm)
3. Cell Phone (which I only use for calls, anyway)
4. Paperback novel (that must fit in my purse)
5. Lipstick (usually red or berry)
6. Hair ties (that my kitten will pull off my wrist)
7. MSM (Methylsulfonylmethane, a supplement for pain)
8. Yerba Mate (either in tea or capsule form)
9. Acai berry juice and Goji berry juice (I can't favor one)
10. Passion Flower and L-Tryptophan (to help me relax)